so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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