So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize