Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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