batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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