I'm jealous of your bromance
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
