When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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