my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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