we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
