I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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