i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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