I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
