mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
