i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
