just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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