i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
