i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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