listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
