she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
