with your own penis?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
