dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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