And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
