No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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