I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize