mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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