You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
