Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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