just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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