super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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