I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and she was petting her beer can
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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