Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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