sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
