he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
