everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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