hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
