Say something about gay babies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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