...so i touched it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize