I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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