I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
