I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
