people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
