Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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