I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
COCAINE IS GR8
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
