im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
