I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
