the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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