Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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