Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
