eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
