i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize