Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
