FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
