your thong is hanging out like whoa
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
