They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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