this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
