i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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