Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
