you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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