If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
