So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
