i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
