I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
