This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
