i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
