Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
