11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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