break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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