I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
