And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
