btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
