omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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