so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize