meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
