You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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