I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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