I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize